Happy Birthday Gavin!

For many, this is the first picture they see of their son or daughter.

This, though, was the first picture we saw of Gavin.

Though we hadn't met him, and really knew nothing of his story, somehow we knew from the beginning that he was our son.  He was our surprise.  Just as many might be shocked to find out they were adding to their family a second time after growing their family just months before, we were as well.  This wasn't something we planned to do, but thankfully God's plan is greater!  

As I've mentioned before in Facebook posts, Gavin amazes me.  At 12, I cannot imagine joining a new family, trying to understand new norms, calling a random person I just met mom and dad, new traditions, new siblings, new recipes, the list goes on and on.  Gavin has not only survived, but is excelling.  Many times, I've used the word proud to describe that, but I would be proud of him just for trying.  I'm thankful.  I'm thankful that he seems to be at peace, thankful that he's made good friends at school, thankful that he has found hobbies and activities he enjoys.  I'm thankful for surprises, and thankful he's my son.

Gavin is a wonderful helper, he's kind to others, and is a super big brother.  He's funny, quirky, intelligent, and thoughtful.  

We love you so much Gavin.  We are so thankful for you, and hope for only the best for you.  We are so thankful for who God made you to be.  I hope thirteen is your best year yet.  

Progress

We cannot say enough wonderful things about the family that loved on our boys for a year before they came to live with us.  They loved them through the hardest parts -- the court cases, visitations, first months away from their home, the night terrors and so, so much more.  I "borrowed" this picture from their foster mom...these were our boys when they first came into care. 

 It's still hard for me to look at.  I hate they ever had to feel scared, that they ever had to feel confused.  Then, there's this picture...this is what love, care, and nurturing can do.  These were our little guys after some time with their precious foster family.  I mean, seriously.  I'm so thankful for a God that offers healing, and so thankful for families that are willing to interrupt their lives to let God use them to provide that healing.  

After our boys came, we kept reassuring them that they were here forever.  They weren't going anywhere else.  We often laugh because, several times, B has said he wants to go to a new house, wants to go live with Bumblebee, or wants to go stay with his foster family.  We'll tell him that we would miss him terribly, and he always clarifies that, no, he wants all of us to go stay wherever he has mentioned.  I've warned Mom and Sheila that this crew may show up on their door steps.

Even with tremendous amounts of love and nurturing, both boys still struggled quite a bit when they came to us (we definitely view this as normal...they've been through trauma, it was yet another transition, they ultimately didn't know us from Adam, they're kids, they're people).  Bowden, even through last summer, would become easily discouraged, hung his head a lot, would list a lot of things he wasn't able to do.  Thankfully, the boys have been in a wonderful school this year where they've received great care academically and through various therapies.  To watch the transition in Bowden, especially, has been amazing!  Now he loves to show us everything he can do (at times, we relate him to Stuart from Mad TV).  To watch him yesterday at his Soccer match was nothing short of amazing.  It's amazing what love, stability, and therapy (as needed) will do for a person!  We are forever grateful.  

Wade has not struggled a lot with confidence issues that present themselves as such.  (He exhibits his in other ways).  However, this morning, he said, I'm a stinker.  We were like, you can be, yes.  Then he said, but Mommy and Daddy love me even when I'm a stinker.  I'm just thankful he knows that!  I hope he always knows how treasured he is, even when we're trying to temper some of the "Wade."

We are also so proud of our oldest, Gavin!  I cannot imagine being 12 years old and moving in with people I didn't know.  I would have been an absolute basket case.  I'm 37, and probably still would.  However, he has moved cities, homes, and schools with absolute grace.  He is in choir and absolutely loves it.  He comes home with papers that have scored well and hangs them on the refrigerator himself.  This nine weeks he made the A-B honor roll at school.  We are so proud of his progress and the way he has adapted.  We love him so. 

I'm so thankful for the love Jeff and I know we have received from our Father, and am so thankful for these three sweet souls we get to parent.  Transition is hard, and these boys have lived in pretty much constant transition for the last year.  I'm so thankful that His mercies are new every morning, that they seem to remember the "love" more than the difficulties,and for the peace that comes from knowing you are loved, even when you're being a "stinker." (This goes for the parents and the kids!)

Happy Birthday, B!

I can't believe this little chunky monkey will be five tomorrow!  I don't know what most moms do on the eve of a new year, but as I sat here holding him out of his bath tonight, I rubbed his back, wondering if next year he'll still want to sit in my lap or still let me rub his back.  I can't believe we're celebrating his second birthday together; sometimes they still seem so new and sometimes it's hard to believe that we haven't had him since he looked like this.  

I also don't know what most adoptive mothers do on birthdays.  In the midst of the celebration of my sweet boys, I also grieve.  I grieve for their mom who battles things I'll never know.  I grieve what she misses.  I hate that she doesn't know how sweet this boy is, that she doesn't know how he likes to cuddle when he sleeps, likes to randomly say, "Hey Mommy, I love you,"  that he tells me I'm his princess, smiles in his sleep, offers anything he has to random strangers because he's just that giving, and loves to sing at the top of his lungs.  Don't get me wrong, I'm so thankful God lets me spend each day with these sweet boys, but I always remember that loss led to this.  I'm thankful for a God who makes beauty from ashes.  

So, tonight, I remember.  I remember her.  I thank God for the way she loved these boys.  I pray that her heart finds peace tomorrow.  I pray that it's not a day that causes her struggles to be harder to fight.  I pray for her health.  I remember how much my boys have grown, I thank God for the peace they, especially B, have found!  I thank God for grace, for redemption, for his gifts, and I pray my sweet B always knows how incredibly special, and incredibly loved he is.  

 And tomorrow, tomorrow we celebrate.  We celebrate life, family, each other, and our sweet Bowden.  We'll eat some "Larry Pizza," spend too many quarters in the candy grab machine, sing Sweet Home Alabama and Feliz Navidad at the top of our lungs, and thank God for this beautiful boy's life.  I hope every year is the best one ever!

Happy Birthday, Love

This picture owns me.  I told Jeff just last week, I wished I had the chance to know him all my life.  He tells me it's best I didn't.  However, I'm so incredibly thankful for all that he is today. 

Last week, we had the opportunity to sit for hours with so many people who have poured into Jeff over the years.  It was an amazing time for him and for me.  I am so thankful for all of these people and for God in them who have helped shape Jeff into the gracious, kind, creative, loving man that he is.  

I am so thankful for his love for his Savior, for the way he loves me and for the way he loves others.  I love his sense of humor, his intelligence, his ability to appreciate the common, every day things.  I appreciate that a day doesn't go by that he doesn't tell me I'm beautiful, appreciated and loved.  I'm thankful for the way he loves the people I love, and I'm thankful that he sees things in me that I'm unable to see myself.  

Happy Birthday, love.  My life is much richer because I live it with you.  Here's to many more years of learning, loving and dreaming together.  

Three Years Later

Three years ago tonight, I met Jeff for the first time. We talked for hours about life over Baumhower's wings (it might help understand that this was our first date, if you also know we got engaged over ribs at Rendezvous) while watching college football.  I think we knew we were supposed to be together before we even actually fell for each other.  Three years ago, I curtly told Jeff that I wasn't really looking for a relationship and life was good on my own.  I had great friends, a wonderful church family, and a job that I loved (though it kept me overwhelmed).  I'm so, ridiculously thankful that God knew what I needed better than I. 

Our First Picture

Jeff's First SHC Event; I Got Lots of Inquiring Texts that Night

Three years ago tomorrow, I saw Jeff again (and three years ago the day after tomorrow, etc.).  As we began a relationship and even started to talk about marriage, I quickly told him I could not be married.  I told him I'd be a horrible wife and just didn't have it in me.  Honestly, I probably am a horrible wife.  Thankfully God works in me and through me while he's also working in Jeff and through Jeff and a beautiful relationship can occur between two people (one who is very selfish and doesn't really so much have any housekeeping skills).  

The Night Jeff Met Mom - Wicked in Memphis

I read this blog a few years ago posted by a friend of a friend who stated he'd be married to five different women over his lifetime and it couldn't be more true for the two of us.  Jeff didn't even make it to the wedding before he was married to someone different than he proposed.  Life happened and has continued to happen.  I walked down the aisle to a song that declared "we'll say prayers we never thought we'd pray," and we have.  I'm thankful God knows me better than I know myself and continues to give us both grace while teaching us to give grace to each other.  

Our First Halloween

At the SHC Fall Festival in 2011

I'm currently reading A Little Salty to Cut the Sweet and she details how, in her life, God has done immeasurably more than she could have imagined.  I bawled when I read it, because I feel the same way about Jeff in my life.  I'm thankful for what our marriage has taught me about God's love for me.  I'm thankful for what it's taught me about putting the needs of our marriage and of what God has called us to do above my own. I'm thankful for Jeff.  I'm grateful that three years ago tonight, God was at work in both of us to do immeasurably more than we could have imagined.  

Our First Look on our Wedding Day

I selfishly (I'm still learning) hope that the next three years and beyond are more calm than the last three have been, but I'm thankful that Jeff is beside me on the journey.  

At a Cardinals/Braves Game in Atlanta - Summer, 2012

At the Little Rock Farmers' Market - Summer, 2013

Life as We Know It

Wow, what a month!

School has started.  I am loving my little (seriously, only 16 kids right now!) class.  I figured out recently that, other than my years as math coach, this is the first time I've taught the same grade in the same room in the same school two years in a row.  It's been nice to get back in gear.

My Door Sign for School

After a year of grief, anger, confusion, etc., I think we are finally (hopefully) coming back to life.  We began attending Fellowship Bible Church in Benton during the summer.  Jeff has started helping with the youth and I have started teaching 3rd and 4th graders.  Finding a church has been an adjustment and probably will continue to be.  We joke, though fairly seriously, that Safe Haven ruined us.  

Jeff has also begun volunteering with The CALL to help families and DCFS transport children to appointments and visits.  Other than our trip to St. Louis, Jeff hasn't been much north of Little Rock (when traveling in Arkansas), but he's making a splash this week.  His first two appointments are to drive a child to Jonesboro tonight and then to Fayetteville tomorrow.  Talk about seeing the state!  

As a side note, we would appreciate your prayers for this ministry.  Please pray for the children, for Jeff and the other volunteers, for protection over vehicles and protection while driving children, and just for it to be a good thing, in general.  

I am taking two grad classes during this seven week session.  The work isn't THAT bad, but it's really hard for me to manage everything and keep it all straight.  After this, though, I have one class from October - December and then two portfolio/lab classes.  I can not wait to be finished.  

Oscar Helping Me Complete Grad School Assignments

After a year of not much, I finally had to get a family calendar to keep everything straight.  Whew!  (I know, all of you with a million obligations and/or children are rolling your eyes at me right now). We are exhausted, but grateful.  

There's an App for That

I really do enjoy technology and have had an iPhone pretty much since they came out.  However, I really don't use a ton of apps.  Here are a few I enjoy.

I use YouVersion a lot; I enjoy the ease of finding scripture, the ability to take notes and highlight passages and appreciate the reading plans.  Honestly, we moved here a year ago and I JUST found my bible in a box this past week; therefore, YouVersion has been my primary Bible for the past year.

My Fitness Pal has been helpful as Jeff and I have been working on eating in a more healthy fashion.  I actually prefer the app platform to the website platform.  It has an accountability facet, but I haven't really used it.  If you want to friend me, my username is ellenwmorris.  

I use Twitter, Facebook and am trying to get into Instagram; I just use the apps for each of those sites.  Jeff and I have also said we really look like fatties because we pretty much have every fast food restaurant's app on our phones.  It is extremely helpful for knowing what you're putting in your body, though.  I also have apps on my phone for many stores where I enjoy shopping.  My favorite is probably Hobby Lobby with their handy-dandy 40% off coupon.  

My school is amazing for numerous reasons, but I especially love the fact that our Principal has prioritized education.  Our students have the opportunity to use iPads daily.  Some apps I enjoy using for school are Class Dojo (you can take attendance, monitor positive and negative attendance and it is very user friendly for the kids), Red Laser (I use an online QR code generator and the kids use Red Laser to scan the codes for information, websites or data), Stick Pick (a technological version of equity sticks), Near Pod (the teacher can control all of the iPads in the room to present information, websites, videos and quizzes from a computer), and BrainPop (great educational videos on numerous subjects).  I am so thankful our kids have regular access to such great resources! 

Stick Pick

Brain Pop

What are some of your must have apps?