Happy Birthday, B!

I can't believe this little chunky monkey will be five tomorrow!  I don't know what most moms do on the eve of a new year, but as I sat here holding him out of his bath tonight, I rubbed his back, wondering if next year he'll still want to sit in my lap or still let me rub his back.  I can't believe we're celebrating his second birthday together; sometimes they still seem so new and sometimes it's hard to believe that we haven't had him since he looked like this.  

I also don't know what most adoptive mothers do on birthdays.  In the midst of the celebration of my sweet boys, I also grieve.  I grieve for their mom who battles things I'll never know.  I grieve what she misses.  I hate that she doesn't know how sweet this boy is, that she doesn't know how he likes to cuddle when he sleeps, likes to randomly say, "Hey Mommy, I love you,"  that he tells me I'm his princess, smiles in his sleep, offers anything he has to random strangers because he's just that giving, and loves to sing at the top of his lungs.  Don't get me wrong, I'm so thankful God lets me spend each day with these sweet boys, but I always remember that loss led to this.  I'm thankful for a God who makes beauty from ashes.  

So, tonight, I remember.  I remember her.  I thank God for the way she loved these boys.  I pray that her heart finds peace tomorrow.  I pray that it's not a day that causes her struggles to be harder to fight.  I pray for her health.  I remember how much my boys have grown, I thank God for the peace they, especially B, have found!  I thank God for grace, for redemption, for his gifts, and I pray my sweet B always knows how incredibly special, and incredibly loved he is.  

 And tomorrow, tomorrow we celebrate.  We celebrate life, family, each other, and our sweet Bowden.  We'll eat some "Larry Pizza," spend too many quarters in the candy grab machine, sing Sweet Home Alabama and Feliz Navidad at the top of our lungs, and thank God for this beautiful boy's life.  I hope every year is the best one ever!